I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
