dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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