totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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