Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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