Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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