I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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