Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
