yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Farmville is her only friend.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Text me some of your sweat
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
