it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
