Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
