He uses pillows to masturbate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
