he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
