Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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