WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
