So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
