He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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