3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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