She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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