Michael Bay diarrhea
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
