Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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