New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
