Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
