He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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