those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
