he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
