This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
