I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do herpes really smell.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
