Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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