You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
