It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
