Me too!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
