she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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