So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
