i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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