I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
