READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
