I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
