Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
