This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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