we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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