I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
