I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
one two three fourrrrnication!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
