i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
