well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
