around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
