someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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