Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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