I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
