i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
