You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
