What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
