Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
