now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
